The Realities of My Rant
I am angry today even though I am not particularly prone to anger. But through my on-going spirit-led workshop therapies, I have learned enough about my self-defense mechanisms and my coping mechanisms that I can honestly say I know I am out of a love vibration and I will have to allow myself that for a day or two to discover just what it is that keeps me from recognizing what I really want – because I know this: something is bugging me and all those all feel-good games I used to play aren’t working anymore. It has more to do with me getting where I want to go.
At one point I learned that I was putting effort into everything that I thought was easy and familiar so that I would never risk failure in getting to my bigger goals. Then I went into another 3-1/2 year power washing with the Flush-Meisters so that I could get to a point in love vibration that I would finally make some headway. I’ve said it too many times to count, but I’ll say it again: It is the emotional maturity of a love vibration that turns on the magic, and let’s face it, if you’re into the stuff I am into, you hoping to turn on the magic.
After being pushed and pulled towards where I wanted to go, only to have it slip away again and again, I began to see that some of the perfection I am striving for is idealism at a much higher vibration than our vibration of mass consciousness – and since the energy of the masses dominates the creation waves – why bother? Does good really win? Is it important only in terms of what we don’t have to atone for once we make it to the other side? A bleak perception, I know, but I have felt ignored, disrespected and taken advantage of for too long and now I am refusing to play the love vibration card until I get some of what I want, and that is a good dose of the irrational energy that is out there right now. Why else would you walk into a Waffle House, naked, and blow someone away?
Naked and exposed, we are held under a wave of emotional frequency – and I say under because it is a lower vibration than our mind normally resides. In my case, held under long enough to see what is irritating me – what is hiding beneath my urges to search the internet for something new to buy, or hoping that another trip to the casino might provide the outlet I am looking for; or, so you know exactly where this wave of lower vibrational emotion took me, to my internal lashing out at whoever might have harmed me – this is all in my mind, of course and thank god. So, here’s how it is working with the beings above us that are tasked with raising our vibration within, raising it so that we behave in a manner befitting a child of god; whether it is the one god or any god at all. (And for those of you waiting for more dirt, keep going…it’s in here…. big ‘ole arse and all.)
In order to rise above the causes and effects of conflict – a must in continuing our evolution as a species as well as that of the planet, we must be weaned of some of our survival instincts. We no longer need to operate out of a ‘survival of the fittest mentality.’ There is enough to go around; most of us will not starve or freeze to death any longer. As a human, our survival needs are met better than they have been since before the break-up of Atlantis and the de-activation of our upper minds – that secret place where my guides speak from and where all the magic is hidden. We’ve operated in the dark long enough to discover our own light within and now it is time to act like it – in a nutshell, our thoughts are things and they are harming those around us. And that doesn’t even begin to look at words – and guns.
Our tummies are hurting because we are learning how our digestive tract and accompanying organs work to clear our disharmony with those around us. Our heads are aching until we learn to look at life with a more clear perspective in terms of the goodness of ourselves and those around us. Knees are inflamed while we learn how we are caught in a web of disharmony in terms of allowing others to live their own truth – whether it works for us or not. And soon the numb fingers and toes will relax, once our inner awareness sees what causes us to grip onto what we know rather than venture into the unknown. These are some of the most prevalent physical issues we’re working through now, but the spiritual end of that cleansing could use some explanation.
Now hear me rant. I feel invisible. I do what I do very well but I never feel as though I am noticed; often times I feel like I am in the way of every new act that knows how to easily promote themselves while I shut down out of fear of not-being-good-enough. (I know – big baawaaah; already I can’t stand myself.) I am not some novice feeling my way through a spiritual awakening. I have worked my ass off to have my crown chakra activated well enough that I can connect consciously with higher mind and the higher realms. This was no easy feat as there are layers of self that must be corrected and pushed aside. The self is pushed aside because our primary motivation, when connecting to the higher realms, cannot be seeking applause for the individual self, but must be used for the good of the whole. And we don’t get to just play the role; the true motivation must come from the root of our desire base – the raw – before thinking it through – emotional reaction to the stimulus. If ones’ true emotional motivation is more about serving self, the material received is simply mirroring the self – and it stops there.
That’s why our higher minds became unreachable after Atlantis broke up – we, as a species, had become unsafe when we used our magic. But that’s only the beginning of the journey – to channel the beings in the soul, I have to push through at least 5 layers of growth and transformation with every issue within me that I neutralize from negativity - And just let me say here and now ; I am tired of hearing that we have to have the negativity to have the good – that is the bull shit rationalization we use so we can excuse ourselves. I know what science says but science hasn’t yet discovered the laws at govern us – they are still working on it. Electricity needs both negative and positive, but love is a much higher frequency and not subject to the laws we use for energy and energy measurement. If you want the truth of our existence and how love energy works, you want the laws of metaphysics. And be prepared to take responsibility for your own short-comings or those laws won’t make complete sense. Bottom line: we are harming each other with our thoughts and when our mind habitually seeks someone or something to blame because things aren’t going right – we are in conflict with each other.
Those 5+ layers of ‘emotional debris’ that I have had to push through – sometimes at cost to my physical health, were not easy and I will talk more about them at length later, but I will say this: I can bring through the information you need from the higher realms – without the woo-woo.
I have welcomed people to my fu**in’ bitch club for years, but, hopefully, I wasn’t that bitchy, none of us are – just hyper-aware of the inner workings of resentment and frustration inside; and let me tell you, I worked hard to keep it in there. I am fat; in my mind, I call myself chubby magoola. I can eat right and exercise until my right leg falls off from lack of external support, but I won’t bitch about it because it is nobody else’s job to support me – nobody but me. However, in this gun-obsessed, pissed off society we live in, as of today – myself included, we harm the hell out of each other. Those pissy thoughts hurt, and our higher realm care-takers are dialing our sensitivity knobs up on high to make sure we feel them. I can feel it when I am channeling spirit for you and your defense mechanisms react by internally attacking me. I feel it and it hurts. I feel it; you’re feeling it and we’re all reacting to it without knowing exactly what IT is. And since all that hurts, I stay fat because my elephant status provides a physical barrier to keep your thoughts from hurting me.
A big source of my frustration falls from my love/fear vibrational training, which doesn’t allow me to operate out of ego as much as the ‘success’ stories marketing touts as good press – meaning I won’t do cartwheels until you see me and then brag for a few hours on how indispensable I am to humanity, I am invisible. Well, I am invisible and now I am angry and ready to stomp on everyone I feel stomped on by…. god, no wonder we need to hide our guns. I am not the only one going through this wave of anger based-on-rejection. We are being held under a torrent of water (emotion) that makes us see, hear and smell our reactions to the harm felt by those around us. In a nutshell, right now we’re all feeling the harm that we cause to others with our thoughts – me included. I am blaming because I have blamed – the real source of my fu**in’ bitch club.
I am an angry bitch the last couple days and all because I want a bigger piece of the pie in terms of my area of expertise. I have been blaming anyone and everyone, but the truth is this: I haven’t gone after a bigger piece of the pie because I am afraid of being rejected. I know now that to go after what I want will necessitate that I risk rejection, that I know I am good enough no matter how things turn out, and that I am lucky to have experienced, in some small way, every person that crossed my path in this life - but I guess it’s time to speak up and move forward with my real desires. If I get too obnoxious, just tap me on the shoulder and I will know it’s time to back off.
The bottom line here is that our self-defense mechanisms mostly stem from an anemic root chakra that has become accustomed to protecting the self because basic survival needs were so difficult to meet. But now, through technology and greater wisdom of the species, we can let most of that go. The Dysfunction of the root chakra is the Victim, and the energy we’re experiencing now is our own personal form of victim-hood, whether it be from a flight perspective or a fight-perspective. When we finally work it down to its root, we’re afraid of the hurt – the hurt of not having our survival needs met, and survival needs are physical, mental and emotional. Fear always causes a hurt of some form within us, and how that hurt manifests is different for each of us, depending on our mental formats and our physical circumstances. We’re all letting go of our fears regarding preserving the self at the risk of harming those around us. If we can remember that and look within to find our area of needed change, we can become a source of help rather than staying in need – then, finally, we can have some of our magic back again.
So if I have offended anyone, please know that I am sorry. I had to be a complete horse’s ass to get to the root of what was bothering me and then allow it to play out so that it might make some sense to you – and so you know that you probably don’t have hepatitis A if you’re stomach is in agony again – maybe it’s just a matter of taming those wild, blaming thoughts.
P.S. I promise to be nice next time.
Love in All Ways,